The 2022 I Knew

Thu 15 Dec 2022 - Filed under: Not a Journal., , , , | Posted by: Gavin

This is about my own year, not the press’s. 2022 was . . . constrained. I look at my steps recorded on my phone — and the watch I got this year to assuage worries about my heart rate — and from the ups and downs and the ever-so-slight rising line I think 2023 will be more of the same. It is hard to think of another year like this but I’ll be grateful if I improve. My resting heart rate is about 80. My standing heart rate is a joke, say 105.

I still spend most of my days lying down. I have learned resting and pacing, although truthfully I have learned it any number of times this year. I get up and I feel fine, I forget I am sick, I start to walk at my normal pace, I am reminded bodily that I am a new slower person. I have tried many supplements: I’m a skeptic but if a friend says a tincture or pill helped them, or I read some long covid study, I’ll try it. I had an MRI (clear!), a CT scan (yes, I have an odd bod but mostly ok and not the cause of this), and I even had an EMG test, needles stuck in me, woah, which was all clear. Now I hope to get a microclot blood test but that may take some months.

When, after an hour or so, I start to lose focus on my laptop, I play Asphalt 8+ on my phone or on the TV. I haven’t played videogames in years and this game is both boring and lightly exciting and sometimes literally circular. It passes time in which I can’t think about all the things I either have to do our would like to do. I have watched everything on TV and finished twitter. I did go start a Mastodon account for me and work — I think this will get you there.

I’d like to write both more and less here. I’ve gone away and come back to this a couple of times already today so maybe this is enough. I’ll be back in 3 months for another update.

In my teenage years I wasn’t at all sure adulthood would be worth the wait and while this year has been a somewhat similar very slow dragging out of time while waiting for things to improve I am grateful to my family for their patience and love and to friends near and far who have reached out and helped support us all during this.

There are so many, many crappy people and things and yet there are a lot of good people out there doing mitzvahs for others that are never publicized. I’m getting old and sometimes it’s all Vonnegut all the time in my head, just be kind, why don’t you.