Other Agents

Mon 1 Nov 1999 - Filed under: Free Stuff to Read, Short Stories | Leave a Comment| Posted by: Gavin

LCRW 5“1985 sure is dark,” Nick said, and another 100 watt bulb popped gently in his hands. “It’s a good thing we have these protective gauntlets.” Nick waggled his hands and scattered shards of glass on the bedspread.

“These aren’t protective gauntlets,” the Assassin replied, “they’re rubber gloves we stole from the bathroom at the Burger King.” Except for the brownish-blue gloves, the Assassin was dressed in black from head to foot.

“I like to think that they were left there for us. We are on a mission, after all.”

The motel room was strung with cheap extension cords that fed a dozen utility lamps clamped to any available surface. The dingy bedspread, scattered with supplies, glowed in the center of the ring of lights. Between the two of them they’d already smashed five bulbs.

The Assassin carefully peeled off his gloves, pushed up his mirrored sunglasses, and rubbed his eyes. His hands shook. Nick started doing one-handed pushups on the carpet.

“I’m feeling much better now that we’ve got these lights up,” Nick said, gasping. “But I’m thirsty. Let’s get some beers. What’s the best beer in 1985?”

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Male Blonding

Mon 1 Nov 1999 - Filed under: Chuntering On, Free Stuff to Read | Leave a Comment| Posted by: Gavin

Excerpts from an upcoming textbook to be published by the Northern Massachusetts University School of Industrial History.

From the Introductory Section:

Male Blonding is a modern movement that, however, has its basis in ancient times. Early Male blonds include Jesus of Nazereth who stood out very effectively from the generally dark Israeli crowds. Blonding was very popular in the highlands of Ethiopia where legends of an Aryan tribe grew up around a city where almost everyone blonded their hair. Leonardo da Vinci rediscovered Male Blonding in the Renaissance. It was a huge breakthrough when he announced that lemon juice was as effective if not more so than pigs urine. (He also drew a plan for the first machine to extract juice from lemons but was unable to construct a working model).

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Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet No. 5

Mon 1 Nov 1999 - Filed under: LCRW | Leave a Comment| Posted by: Gavin

volume 3, number 2

Poetry, Fictions, Essays, Art and so on and so forth, the usual mix of eclectica.


In the underworld there are places that are dark, scary, some few resemble tales in this zine. None of them resemble Hiroshima or Nagasaki in August 1945. None of them are bright with the light of breaking atoms, light that lasts a thousand, a hundred thousand years and more. We hear that you want to ban the tests of nuclear weapons and we are glad. The rumble upsets our dillathropes, the animal we like the most. They allow us to ride on their backs if we read aloud as we go. But this is another story.

I must think more about this atom cracking you will not stop. It cannot be politics. Whenever we speak to you – many of us visit, you have such nice chocolate and where else can we get fresh tomatoes in winter?

Again, I digress. It is difficult to concentrate on such a thing. When I have spoken to you, more want to stop the tests than keep them going. Even those working in the field (or rather, the factory, the office). It cannot be politics, because it is a subversion of the will of the people of the republic, so how could a party of the republic play with the people’s will? I must needs step outside and think more on this. My head spins as it is.
Dreaming of green and peaceful lands, in the over and underworlds.

A Mad Tea Party – Chris Barzak
Other Agents – Richard Butner
The Dictator’s Wife – Kelly Link
Hydrophilia – Tim Emswiler
A Preference for Silence – Lucy Snyder

Genji – Margaret Muirhead
Lady Shonagon’s Hateful Things
Faust is Lounging Openly – Brian Morrison
The Amish Time Travellers
John Wayne, A Novel
Nadanadanada – Robert Frazier
Queen of the Lines
The Anorexic Observes the Hemophiliac

Y2K Wishlist
A Slow Way To Riches
Male Blonding
Book Reviews
Music Notes
Bob’s Big Boy Words

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Dangling Participants – Contributors

Christopher Barzak attended the Clarion Workshop last year. He lives in Michigan, but grew up in rural Ohio. Is he a villager? Ask him.

Richard Butner lives in a triangle in the path of hurricanes. He also plays music.

Tim Emswiler rides a bike, writes dark fiction and publishes Weird Times. Maybe in that order.

Robert Frazier lives on an island connected to us by a few bridges, some concrete, some words. His forthcoming collection The Daily Chernobyl and Other Poems won the 1999 Anamnesis Poetry Chapbook Award.

Gavin J. Grant would like his bike back.

Kelly Link‘s stories “Travels with the Snow Queen” and “The Specialist’s Hat” are nominees for the World Fantasy Award and were reprinted in The Year’s Best Fantasy & Horror. “The Girl Detective” can be read here.

Brian Morrison works in the best used book shop in Somerville: M&M. Not Murrie & Mars, but MacIntyre & Moore.

Margaret Muirhead‘s favorite word is daggy. She lives in a dry town.

Mark Rich has had stories in many magazines, but his cover art is his first appearance here. Maybe next time he’ll write a story for us.

Lucy Snyder runs the Dark Planet web site as well as writing in many genres.